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Groucho to Margaret Dumont (from Duck Soup):
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Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont): I've sponsored your
appointment because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia.
Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho): Well, that covers a lot
of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it.
I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where
you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi you can
leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been
vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
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Groucho on Chico (from the introduction to "Why a Duck?"):
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Chico's Italian vocabulary was not large. Indeed I doubt that he knew
more than a dozen Neapolitan phrases. But they were all useful. To give
you a few examples, with their loose translations:
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Bortcha motcha..."Kiss me quick; I'm double parked."
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Tutti Minooti... "Help, help! I've been bitten by a snake!"
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Dabisco si ... "Have you fed the cat?"
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Ot'sa fine.... "Ot'sa fine."
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Groucho on Harpo (from the introduction to "Why a Duck?"):
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I must not leave Harpo without some reference to his wonderful sense
of sportsmanship. If, in chasing a blonde across the stage or screen, he
caught her - and found her to be undersized - he would throw her back.
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