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The Wit of the Marx Brothers
Groucho to Margaret Dumont (from Duck Soup):  Sound file available
    Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont): I've sponsored your appointment because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia.
    Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho): Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it. I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Groucho on Chico (from the introduction to "Why a Duck?"):
    Chico's Italian vocabulary was not large. Indeed I doubt that he knew more than a dozen Neapolitan phrases. But they were all useful. To give you a few examples, with their loose translations:
      Bortcha motcha..."Kiss me quick; I'm double parked."
      Tutti Minooti... "Help, help! I've been bitten by a snake!"
      Dabisco si ... "Have you fed the cat?"
      Ot'sa fine.... "Ot'sa fine."

Groucho on Harpo (from the introduction to "Why a Duck?"):
    I must not leave Harpo without some reference to his wonderful sense of sportsmanship. If, in chasing a blonde across the stage or screen, he caught her - and found her to be undersized - he would throw her back.